Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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