i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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