I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
