I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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