got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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