im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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