3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Randomize