I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
