I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just threw up on my dentist
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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