So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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