I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I party with great urgency now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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