I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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