hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are all done wearing pants today
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
