it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
