I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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