its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
