How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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