And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
