The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
