All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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