Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
