I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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