Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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