forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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