If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
