Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
