Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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