R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
