I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
