My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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