You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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