I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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