remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
