I got chris browned last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
