forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
