what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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