I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
