Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
