i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize