One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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