Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
