All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
