He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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