i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
