Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i love accidental penises.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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