why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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