he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
