I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
