Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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