i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
