So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
