It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
