My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
