we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
