I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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