My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i've created a new STD.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
