I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
