Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm going to jail i love you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
