Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Your dad touched me again.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
