I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
