Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
