Jerry, you need to find god
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
