i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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