please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
