Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
