So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
