a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
